You've Got to Be Kidding Me

This is just unbelievable. The stress of the past week is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life, and I've been through some stuff. We have been studying like...I can't even think of an apt parallel. The galling thing is, after approximately 30hrs of studying for this one test, all of us feel still inadequately prepared. I think our minds have reached saturation point, and then have gone beyond that. I was sitting in the Great room today, after clinical, studying and trying so hard to stay awake, but being numbed my Pharmacological overload, and it came to me, God's Word of comfort. You know when it says, "There for the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross"? Well, I felt like the joy of being done for awhile, being free to rest and not drink enough caffeine to keep a whole school of children hyper for a week, being free to just relax and begin to assimilate all that I have learned, being free to read a book for fun without feeling guilty for not studying, to go out with friends, for the joy of all that, that makes this 'cross' (if I even dare compare it to the magnitude of the cross of the sufferings of Christ, and the joy that awaited Him, which I almost don't because the dif between that and test stress is greater than the difference between the expanse of all created things and an ant) slightly bearable. (Did you get through that sentence okay? my grammar and sentence structure is going to pot along with the rest of me) I am so tired, so burned out, so exhausted, so strung out, so saturated, so wiped, so (fill in any extreme adjective here) that I can't cope any more. The thing that really gets me is my mouth. When I get this stressed, the s-bomb comes out a lot more, and I don't like it. I want to live a consistent life, but I have been failing at that, and thank goodness for the Lord's grace to me, because I am so at the end of my rope that it is actually no longer in sight; so at the end of the line that I forgot there even was one, so done that I'm not even sure there was a beginning. And now not making any sense. Alright, to bed with me, for I have to get up super-early to put in a few more hours before the 8 o'clock test. Father, have mercy on us all...