This has been a rough year. My roughest yet. Because I am a highly emotional, sensitive person, I evaluate “roughness” on a how-emotionally-challenging-its-been scale. This year has, thus far, been off the charts difficult. However, this is not the place for me to divulge the details of that ‘roughness’. Suffice it to say, the personal agony and grief I have experienced in 2010 has been unlike any I have ever known. But that is not the point of this entry. It is, nevertheless, the impetus behind it.
I decided to quit Facebook this year, after having been on it for many years now. It was the right decision for me to make, for many many reasons, although it was difficult to do. I discovered, through Facebook, the facts that rocked my world and led to the above paragraph. After that, for many weeks, even the mere sight of the Facebook logo took me back to that horrible Sunday morning when my world came crashing down. I could not see it without wanting to vomit. This very visceral response made me think that maybe it was better to no longer have an account, and quit cold turkey. Even though I deactivated it, a few months ago, in recent weeks, from time to time, I’d hop back on, in brief spurts, to catch up with peoples’ lives that I have no contact with in “real life”. That was one of the benefits of FB, for me, originally. I was able to keep in touch, albeit cyber-ly, with those that I would not have been able to in reality. I was able to reconnect with old classmates and friends that I had lost touch with.
However, now, what had once been a benefit has become a liability. In my current emotional state, it is crucially important for me to focus on God, what He has done through Jesus, and His very real and powerful promises that He shares with me through His Word. One of them is that He has a plan for me, a good plan, better than anything I can think up for myself. Recently, in my brief forays into Facebook-dom, I have seen the postings of friends who are getting married, recently married, having children. I see these joy-filled entries, and am filled with joy myself for these friends and the blessings in their lives. But there is also a part of me, a big part, that aches. I feel so far from that, and back to square one, and feel like God has forgotten about me. My heart has been crushed, and I see others living the life I’ve always wanted. It makes me doubt God, doubt myself, and generally feel even more buried in my personal ick. All of these things are not how I want to feel, and also, most importantly, are UNTRUE. I cannot compare myself and my life to those of others. God has a special plan for each and every one of His creation, and that I know to be true with every fiber of my being. But Facebook has become, for me, not a vehicle of blessing, but an instrument of discouragement. I don’t think that FB intrinsically has these characteristics:), like I said, there are so many benefits to it. But for me, for where I am at right now, it is unhelpful for me to continue with it.
So if you have noticed I was a friend of yours on Facebook and am now missing, this is why. It isn’t because I unfriended you:), as one sweet friend recently asked me. He texted me a few weeks ago and wondered if I had dumped him or quit FB.
Also, I have been feeling the increasing need to connect with friends and family in real time, to have deep and real relationships in person.Facebook has made it so easy for me to satisfy my need to connect by "writing on someone's wall" in lieu of a real conversation.
I just want to clarify that I don’t think FB is evil or anything; I think it is a wonderful tool for us to maintain connectivity to those that we can’t see in every day life. But, with what I am dealing with right now, and where I’m at, and my desires to build the relationships in real time that the Lord has blessed me with, it is a decision that I feel is right for me. To all my FB friends, those I still see and those I don’t, please know that you are all very important to me, and I hope to reestablish contact with you all in the future. God bless you all.
