I read something tonight that really affected me...and, I had to write about it. The article chronicled the relationship of a husband and wife, married twenty years, who suddenly had to deal with the devastation of his betrayal. Here are some excerpts:
Gary's Story
Walking down the hallway that night was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I knew this could be the end of everything I cared about--my family, friends, business, church--all of it. But I had to deal with it now...I whispered my dreaded confession (to Mona, his wife) "I've betrayed you. I've been unfaithful." How did this happen? We had a good marriage and three sons we loved deeply. But the busyness of life had pulled at us, and we'd gradually grown apart. Then a friendship with a co-worker had gotten out of control. One innocent touch insidiously led to more. An affair began, and a day became a week, then a month, then three years.
When Mona and I got married, we knew our marriage would work. We were best friends who loved and respected each other. 10 years later we both became Christians. Now we had another tie to hold us firmly together. But in our packed schedules, we rarely had time or energy for "us". In reality, we'd become caught up in a life that was pushing us along separate paths.
Mona's Story
I was totally blindsided. He'd been having an affair with my best Christian friend for the past few years, and I'd never even suspected; I'd trusted them both implicitly. I had no idea our marriage was even vulnerable. My friends thought he was wonderful -- he did dishes and laundry; he changed diapers. We were friends; we could talk about anything. Sure, we'd had our moments in two decades of marriage, but nothing insurmountable. Had I been that bad a wife? I felt a stirring of rage. I was nauseous. Was I a complete idiot to have been so in the dark? I spent the rest of that night weeping, heartache penetrating every inch of my being. I felt more alone than I've ever been.
That night of revelation 17 years ago was beyond painful. But it also marked the beginning of our recovery. Not because either of us believed we could heal, but because we felt we had nothing more to lose. All we knew was that we wanted to follow God in this, no matter where that led.
The night Gary confessed, neither of us expected restoration. We doubted the pain would ever go away. But now we know adultery, as destructive as it is, doesn't automatically mean a death sentence for a marriage. The same Savior who enables sinners to stand pure before a holy God can restore what is in shambles to something beautiful and fulfilling.
Eventually, with a lot of hard work and prayer, they rebuilt their marriage and are now role models for couples who come to therapy for infidelity issues.
This article was so powerful to me, for a ton of reasons. But mostly because it reiterated what I already knew to be true: with God, all things are possible. Truly, He can take the most destructive and heartbreaking of situations and use them for much good.
There is incredible pain in this world; both outside us and within us. Hearts break every day, for myriad reasons. It is too much to comprehend. Relationships can fall apart, for reasons beyond understanding, and leave a destruction in their wake. But there is hope. There is always hope. Because of what Jesus did for us by dying on the cross, our ultimate enemy (Satan) is defeated, and all of the promises of God in the Bible for His children are true. The promise I have been holding close to me these past few months, as I continue to heal, is the fact that I know that what Satan has intended for evil in my life, God will use for good. That's a pretty awesome place to be, I think. What is bad, God uses for good. What is good, God uses for good. So whether bad or good, God uses it for good.
That is not to say, with pie-in-the-sky naivete, that one should just pull themselves up and get on with it and life goes on swimmingly. No. Life is hard. And to get to a place of healing and wholeness takes incredible amounts of hard work and fortitude. It takes minutes, hours, on your knees before God, putting everything in His lap. It takes support from amazing friends, and a deep-seated knowledge that you are loved. Completely. Seen completely, with all of our warts, and loved completely. It is against a foundation like that that the problems and difficulties of life can be put in their place and overcome. And much as lifting weights at the gym can make our muscles strong, lifting problems in our lives by dealing with them can make our internal 'muscles', our self-worth and identity, stronger.
And it is easy, in this situation, to take the role of the victim, and denigrate the perpetrator. But one also has to be honest with oneself, and when one is ready, and has worked through the first flush of despair. It is easy to think, "I am good; he is bad. He did this to me. He was the jerk." The thing is, even if that is true in this situation, the root of it is false. How many times have I been a jerk? How many times have I hurt others? Many. I think it helps to be able to take a look at yourself honestly and realize the ways in which you, too, are tempted. The ways that you have failed in the relationship. The things inside of you which are selfish, and unkind, and unfaithful. And then the other person ceases to be the devil in your mind, but you can see them as they are: someone who is broken, like you. Someone who has his battles and his trials in this life, like you. Someone who is imperfect, like you. Like me. It does not lessen the grief, the pain, the weight of the betrayal, but it provides a context within which to work. To look at life realistically and realize that we all, all of us, have fallen short of the goodness of God. Every single one of us.
My prayer for everyone reading this would be that you would drop all of your pain and trials at God's feet for His help. And that your hearts would experience Him, and what He has done, and what He can do.
Blessings.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thoughts of Great Randomosity, ie. Stuff I like, Stuff I don't like
Today was a pretty tough day at clinical. Mostly because of my attitude. But I am tired, sorta sick, and just a crabby-pants. So, to get myself in a better mood, I continued adding to my mental list of Oddities. It's just random stuff I've come across recently that I've thought, "Wow, I really like that!" or, "I don't like that".
First, "I like that"s:
1. Tee shirt idea for me and my fellow NPers: "Watch out. Today, I have no patience for my patients."
2. I like that both tai chi and chai tea are real things and are created by doing one of my favorite things, switching around letters.
3. My neighborhood pick-up bball games. Right now, there is a tourney going on, with one very funny emcee, who just said, "And the shot is taken by Jerry Curl (a teenage boy who did have a jerry curl)and he misses! No relaxer on this court!" etc. I like funny commentary.
4.My cat. She always has a purr for me. And a much-needed snuggle.
5. Old episodes of the Office. And new episodes of the Daily Show. And Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
6. Socks without holes in them. I have too many socks WITH holes in them, so when I find a pair without, I rejoice.
7. Dancing by myself and singing songs I make up about whatever I am doing, ie: "Cleaning the dishes, yeah yeah, scrubbing this fork, yeah yeah..."
8. Dental floss. I had an incident on Saturday where I was out and had something stuck between my teeth that felt like a two-by-four but was invisible and had some floss in my purse for just such an occasion. Ah, sweet relief!
9. That a two-by-four is really a one-and-a-half by a three-and-a-half.
10. My friends who stick by me and love me, even when I irritate them.
11. Remember those sticky hands and sticky feet we used to get out of dime machines and then throw against the wall and they'd stick and then sloooowly slink down? Yeah. Love those.
12. Checking if pasta is done by throwing it against the wall. NOt sure if this is really even an accurate method, but I love doing it anyway. Feels like sanctioned food-fighting.
13.Alliteration. "Amanda always accesses Adam's aorta" and the like.
14. The word 'ilk'. I love that word.
15. The word 'hassenpfeffer'. Don't even know what it is, but I like how it sounds.
16. The emotional vulnerability of the guys on the Bachelorette. I know, I know, I am vehemently opposed to that show, and Bachelor, but this season I got hooked. But I really like how the guys are actually appearing to care about more than themselves. Unless it is just staged. BUt I'm going to try to shelve the cynicism.
17. Being able to use the word 'shelve' as a verb, and as pertaining to an emotion, instead of just being a noun.
18. That "The Amsterdam Inn" backwards is "Eht Madretsma Nni". Sounds foreign.
19. OMGosh. Fawlty Towers. Enough said.
20. The word Schmuck. Love it. Saying it, seeing it, whatever. It is so onomatopoetically satisfying.
21. My cat's sweet little kitty feet.
22. Saying, "Malfeasance for malfeasance's sake." and watching people's reactions to that.
23. Writing on the subject line of my checks subjects completely unrelated to what I am writing the check for. For example, on check to my psychologist last week, I wrote on the subject line, "A new toaster". I don't know why, but doing this really tickles me.
24. Being able to talk about medical stuff and form almost-complete sentences composed entirely of acronyms.
25. A good dollop of wasabi that will really clean out the old sinuses.
26. A bratwurst with ketchup, sauerkraut, onions, mustard (dark brown), relish, that has been grilled for awhile and then boiled in beer. Dangit, that is so good.
27. Watermelon seed spitting contests. I need more of those in my life.
Stuff I don't like:
1. The phrase 'Carbon footprint'. It sounds pretentious and stupid. And seriously, does anyone even really know what it actually means or how to actually compute it? Whenever anyone says it, I internally roll my eyes at them.
2. Fads. I have always had an aversion to fads of any type. Doesn't matter what it is, I probably won't like it, just on principle. Which is silly and pointless of me, I fully realize. But still.
3. People who are mean to things weaker than them, and I mean weaker physically, mentally, socio-economically, educationally, whatever. I HATE that.
4. The word 'panties'. Ick. Don't have anything against underwear, just can't stand that word.
5. Light bulbs that burn out before they should. Just irritating. Especially when reading a good book.
6. The current slew of pop stars. Especially Miley Cyrus's attempt at whoring herself out to, I don't know, get more fans or something? I want to put some clothes on her, wash off the nasty makeup, sit her down, make her a cup of tea, and tell her some things about life. Or just look at her and say, "Lindsay Lohan." That oughta do it.
7. That posting something on Twitter is called "tweeting". HATE that.
8. Milk that tastes bad even though it is nowhere near its expiration date. I mean, c'mon. I have to trash the whole half-gallon, which ain't cheap!
9. When I'm wrong about something that I feel like I should have been right about. Like BMI.
10. Soap operas. Pretty much all daytime TV. I can feel the brain cells being sucked out of my ears if I even am in the same room with a TV playing daytime whatever.
11. The oil spill. If I let myself think about it, and how much damage it has done, I get sick. I can't watch the news and see the pics of the poor animals covered in oil. My stomach literally hurts.
12. When people use JC as a swear. Or anything. Other than in reverent and worshipful ways.
13. Buying an ugly purse or whatever just because it is made by a famous designer or has a big C on it. Gag.
14. Pretty much anything done because everyone else is doing it and thinks it's cool. Lame-sauce.
15. Lady Gaga. Don't hate the music, but she's just strange. And, in my opinion, and as someone who is all for individuality, she's over-the-top.
16. Political correctness that has been taken to an extreme. Everyone is so afraid of offending other people that it has become almost absurd, the extent to which people will do mental gymnastics just to avoid "not being intolerant."
17. Constipation. It's the WORST. Thankfully, not something I often deal with, but man. Nothing can put a damper on your day like constipation.
18. Bed bugs. I've never had them, thank God, but they are everywhere in NYC and just gross.
19. When my computer gets too hot and slows way down. And also that I lost the letter P off of my keyboard. Now after O on the top line is just some weird looking mechanical thing.
20. Oprah Winfrey's empire. Sorry Oprah, I'm sure you're a nice person and I'm happy for your success, but your 24-7 Oprahness annoys me.
21. Patients with stinky feet who take off their shoes for long amounts of time in the exam room and I almost pass out. But then I remember Jesus washed stinky feet, and pray for strength.
22. The janitor's closet at clinic that used to be an old bathroom that has faulty plumbing which traps the stuff flushed from the upstairs bathroom directly above it, making clinic today smell like a sewage treatment facility.
23. The Real Housewives of Wherever. Bethanny Getting a Life. Kate Plus Eight, Jon Minus Everything. Bla Bla Bla. Any reality show. No one cares. (says the girl writing a blog about her thoughts...I realize the irony, people)
24. Eating parts of things that just shouldn't be eaten. Chicken feet. Cow tongue. Cow stomach. I'm getting ill just thinking of it.
There are so many more, and I'm sure I'll add to this list, but I'm hungry now and I'm going to eat my Chipotle, that I shouldn't have bought cause it isn't in the alloted budget for the week, but whatever. But that reminds me. What I like #28. Credit cards to buy Chipotle with.
First, "I like that"s:
1. Tee shirt idea for me and my fellow NPers: "Watch out. Today, I have no patience for my patients."
2. I like that both tai chi and chai tea are real things and are created by doing one of my favorite things, switching around letters.
3. My neighborhood pick-up bball games. Right now, there is a tourney going on, with one very funny emcee, who just said, "And the shot is taken by Jerry Curl (a teenage boy who did have a jerry curl)and he misses! No relaxer on this court!" etc. I like funny commentary.
4.My cat. She always has a purr for me. And a much-needed snuggle.
5. Old episodes of the Office. And new episodes of the Daily Show. And Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
6. Socks without holes in them. I have too many socks WITH holes in them, so when I find a pair without, I rejoice.
7. Dancing by myself and singing songs I make up about whatever I am doing, ie: "Cleaning the dishes, yeah yeah, scrubbing this fork, yeah yeah..."
8. Dental floss. I had an incident on Saturday where I was out and had something stuck between my teeth that felt like a two-by-four but was invisible and had some floss in my purse for just such an occasion. Ah, sweet relief!
9. That a two-by-four is really a one-and-a-half by a three-and-a-half.
10. My friends who stick by me and love me, even when I irritate them.
11. Remember those sticky hands and sticky feet we used to get out of dime machines and then throw against the wall and they'd stick and then sloooowly slink down? Yeah. Love those.
12. Checking if pasta is done by throwing it against the wall. NOt sure if this is really even an accurate method, but I love doing it anyway. Feels like sanctioned food-fighting.
13.Alliteration. "Amanda always accesses Adam's aorta" and the like.
14. The word 'ilk'. I love that word.
15. The word 'hassenpfeffer'. Don't even know what it is, but I like how it sounds.
16. The emotional vulnerability of the guys on the Bachelorette. I know, I know, I am vehemently opposed to that show, and Bachelor, but this season I got hooked. But I really like how the guys are actually appearing to care about more than themselves. Unless it is just staged. BUt I'm going to try to shelve the cynicism.
17. Being able to use the word 'shelve' as a verb, and as pertaining to an emotion, instead of just being a noun.
18. That "The Amsterdam Inn" backwards is "Eht Madretsma Nni". Sounds foreign.
19. OMGosh. Fawlty Towers. Enough said.
20. The word Schmuck. Love it. Saying it, seeing it, whatever. It is so onomatopoetically satisfying.
21. My cat's sweet little kitty feet.
22. Saying, "Malfeasance for malfeasance's sake." and watching people's reactions to that.
23. Writing on the subject line of my checks subjects completely unrelated to what I am writing the check for. For example, on check to my psychologist last week, I wrote on the subject line, "A new toaster". I don't know why, but doing this really tickles me.
24. Being able to talk about medical stuff and form almost-complete sentences composed entirely of acronyms.
25. A good dollop of wasabi that will really clean out the old sinuses.
26. A bratwurst with ketchup, sauerkraut, onions, mustard (dark brown), relish, that has been grilled for awhile and then boiled in beer. Dangit, that is so good.
27. Watermelon seed spitting contests. I need more of those in my life.
Stuff I don't like:
1. The phrase 'Carbon footprint'. It sounds pretentious and stupid. And seriously, does anyone even really know what it actually means or how to actually compute it? Whenever anyone says it, I internally roll my eyes at them.
2. Fads. I have always had an aversion to fads of any type. Doesn't matter what it is, I probably won't like it, just on principle. Which is silly and pointless of me, I fully realize. But still.
3. People who are mean to things weaker than them, and I mean weaker physically, mentally, socio-economically, educationally, whatever. I HATE that.
4. The word 'panties'. Ick. Don't have anything against underwear, just can't stand that word.
5. Light bulbs that burn out before they should. Just irritating. Especially when reading a good book.
6. The current slew of pop stars. Especially Miley Cyrus's attempt at whoring herself out to, I don't know, get more fans or something? I want to put some clothes on her, wash off the nasty makeup, sit her down, make her a cup of tea, and tell her some things about life. Or just look at her and say, "Lindsay Lohan." That oughta do it.
7. That posting something on Twitter is called "tweeting". HATE that.
8. Milk that tastes bad even though it is nowhere near its expiration date. I mean, c'mon. I have to trash the whole half-gallon, which ain't cheap!
9. When I'm wrong about something that I feel like I should have been right about. Like BMI.
10. Soap operas. Pretty much all daytime TV. I can feel the brain cells being sucked out of my ears if I even am in the same room with a TV playing daytime whatever.
11. The oil spill. If I let myself think about it, and how much damage it has done, I get sick. I can't watch the news and see the pics of the poor animals covered in oil. My stomach literally hurts.
12. When people use JC as a swear. Or anything. Other than in reverent and worshipful ways.
13. Buying an ugly purse or whatever just because it is made by a famous designer or has a big C on it. Gag.
14. Pretty much anything done because everyone else is doing it and thinks it's cool. Lame-sauce.
15. Lady Gaga. Don't hate the music, but she's just strange. And, in my opinion, and as someone who is all for individuality, she's over-the-top.
16. Political correctness that has been taken to an extreme. Everyone is so afraid of offending other people that it has become almost absurd, the extent to which people will do mental gymnastics just to avoid "not being intolerant."
17. Constipation. It's the WORST. Thankfully, not something I often deal with, but man. Nothing can put a damper on your day like constipation.
18. Bed bugs. I've never had them, thank God, but they are everywhere in NYC and just gross.
19. When my computer gets too hot and slows way down. And also that I lost the letter P off of my keyboard. Now after O on the top line is just some weird looking mechanical thing.
20. Oprah Winfrey's empire. Sorry Oprah, I'm sure you're a nice person and I'm happy for your success, but your 24-7 Oprahness annoys me.
21. Patients with stinky feet who take off their shoes for long amounts of time in the exam room and I almost pass out. But then I remember Jesus washed stinky feet, and pray for strength.
22. The janitor's closet at clinic that used to be an old bathroom that has faulty plumbing which traps the stuff flushed from the upstairs bathroom directly above it, making clinic today smell like a sewage treatment facility.
23. The Real Housewives of Wherever. Bethanny Getting a Life. Kate Plus Eight, Jon Minus Everything. Bla Bla Bla. Any reality show. No one cares. (says the girl writing a blog about her thoughts...I realize the irony, people)
24. Eating parts of things that just shouldn't be eaten. Chicken feet. Cow tongue. Cow stomach. I'm getting ill just thinking of it.
There are so many more, and I'm sure I'll add to this list, but I'm hungry now and I'm going to eat my Chipotle, that I shouldn't have bought cause it isn't in the alloted budget for the week, but whatever. But that reminds me. What I like #28. Credit cards to buy Chipotle with.
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