Sundays are always days of great joy to me, basically because it is the one time of the week where I get to go to church and hear an amazing sermon and sing my heart out to God all of the hymns that I love so much, and today was no different. The sermon today really touched me, and, as per usual, was what I needed to hear.
The last few weeks have been rather rough, emotionally. I have been in my psych rotation, so for roughly 20hrs a week for the past five weeks I have been in the company of severely depressed, schizophrenic, suicidal, etc. people in a locked unit. It was just really difficult to try to maintain professional distance when there are so many people in so much pain, trapped by the circumstances of whatever illness they are suffering. My heart literally aches; I feel helpless in the midst of so much pain, and I want to wave a magic wand and release them from their trials. Even now, writing this, I feel once again the sadness and hopelessness that I felt every day when I walked on the unit. It took everything in me to just make it through this, and fight the sadness that seemed to want to take over me again. I know I have issues with entering too much into people's pain; I am trying to work on it. But for now, it seems nearly impossible to not weep with them, and struggle with them. But then that just leaves two sad people, and how can I help anyone then?
So anyway, I was ripe for the sermon I heard today. As usual, God reached out His hand to me and held me as my heart wept with thinking about all of the people I've met the past few weeks, and what the future holds for them. Each individual life, precious, a gift of God, and trapped in their sickness. It makes me angry and sad and all those things. But I digress.
The sermon was about the power of the Gospel, and it's absolute difference from all other religions out there. Every other religion says, "This is what I must do..." to gain security, salvation, etc. The Gospel says, "This is what has been done." A completely different take. Tim Keller talked about justification, and what that really means. When God says that we are 'justified by grace, through faith, not of our works so that no one can boast', He is defining the relationship. Justification is not about changing the thing, but about changing the relationship to the thing. Jesus not only gave us forgiveness by His death, but, in spite of all the stuff wrong with humanity, He changed God's relationship to us. If all that Jesus gave us was forgiveness, that would be like letting us out of prison, but then saying, "Okay. You're out. Now get a job and be productive and do all the rest yourself." But the Gospel, the Good News, is not like that. It is like being let out of jail and then getting the Congressional Medal of Honor on top of that. Not only are we forgiven, we are heaped with all the medals that Jesus deserved. Pretty crazy amazing. 2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made Him sin, Who knew no sin, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." Jesus took what our flaws deserve; it really doesn't matter how 'holy' or good or anything we are or try to be. That is completely beside the point. God loves me. In spite of all of the unrighteousness in my heart. He loves ME.
Every human being is looking for acceptance, for someone outside of themselves to assure them that they are worthwhile, that they have value. We all look for that in a myriad of ways. We are all out there trying to earn approval and value; "look at my money, look at my job, look how beautiful I am, I am in this relationship and he/she loves me" etc. We don't call it "looking for righteousness", but that is essentially what it is.
There were a few patients that I met in the ward who were there because of mental breakdowns and suicide attempts after the stock market crash. It looked like they had built their self-worth, their value, their identity on how much money they could make. They were looking for justification, for righteousness, in wealth. Some do it with beauty. "If only I were prettier, then I'd be loved". Look at the fashion industry. The whole point is to say, "Hey, if you buy these clothes, you'll feel good about yourself and be happy and loved and accepted."
In and of themselves, money, clothes, beauty, etc. aren't bad. But when they are used for something they were never meant for, they become destructive. Since we are all afraid of being outsiders, of being the unpopular ones, we cling to these things that were never meant to give us righteousness. And they are unstable; they can all be blown away. Every single thing on earth we look to for purpose, value, worth, etc. can be blown away. The only permanence is what Christ has done. Keller made the point that being a Christian is a standing, not a trying. It is a statement about where we are, not what we are trying to do.
Paul says, "I am not ashamed of the Gospel." Why would he say this were he not facing many people who thought he was silly or ridiculous or just plain nuts to believe what he believed? The Gospel is, by it's very nature, offensive. It offends everyone, at pretty much every level. For some, it's too easy, or too exclusive. For others, it is too simple ("no one can be sure if any of this is true so let's just live whatever way we want..")Because it is utterly different from anything anywhere in the world, it offends everybody and makes no sense to anybody!
John the Baptist, Jesus' own cousin, wondered if Jesus was Who He said He was (Matthew 11). At the end of his life, John was sitting in a jail cell, waiting to be executed, and was confused. If this Christ was Savior, why the heck was he sitting in jail? Why didn't Christ save him? He spent his life proclaiming repentance and the coming of the savior, why didn't Christ give a little back and get him out of this bind? So he sends some buddies to Jesus and says, "Are you the One or should we expect another?" Jesus didn't respond to him, "How dare you question who I am! The outrage! I will smite thee to smithereens and blow thee away! How dare you question my holiness, you who have witnessed my miracles and seen my work!"
Instead, He says (paraphrased) "I'm not offended with people who are struggling with my offensiveness. I know I'm hard. I know that this is all confusing and really not like what anyone is expecting. But come to Me and I'll answer your questions. And then come again with some more hard ones that you are struggling with." What a man! What a Savior!
The Bible is personal; it is not just an abstract set of principles, it is written by a Person to a person. It is transformational: it is the power of God in verbal form.
I have been becoming increasingly uncomfortable calling myself a Christian, simply because there have been so many awful things done in that name. People hear the word "Christian" and automatically assume certain things. Not that I blame them. But hearing Keller expound on what it really means to be a Christian today reminded me again that even if when I say "I'm a Christian" people think certain things about me or how I feel about issues or even who I am, it really doesn't matter. Because God knows my heart, He knows that it beats for Him, and that is what is important.
Being a Christian is not about being a moral, upstanding, righteous, always going to church, always living 'perfectly' person. Being a Christian, the way I think Christ meant it, is being someone who knows that she is utterly faulted and utterly loved, because of Jesus. I don't have to perform a certain way; I don't have to always do the right thing or say the right thing, I am loved by Him. Truly, it is not about me or who I am or what I can do, it's about Him, Who He is, and what He did.
Keller made the point that when one understands this, when one understands the love of God for him or her, that will seduce them to be like Jesus. It isn't the trying to be like Jesus that brings someone righteousness and God's love, it is God's love that compels me to live for Jesus. And when I fall, to remember that I am still loved.
And that made all the difference to me this morning, and let me put all of those suffering people in the psych ward in God's hands, and put my mind at rest over things I've been wrestling through. As I continue to learn and grow and flesh out what it means to follow Jesus in this world, and love and serve others in a healthy and non-self-destructive way, I thank God for the pearls of wisdom and love He sends my way.
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