Bikram Yuck-a?

I was really excited to try bikram yoga. Our friend John from Bible study had told us about it, and a sweet one-week deal this studio was running, so Kathleen and I, always up for an adventure, went for it. Ashley was full of misgivings..."I've done this before and it is so hot you want to die and it reeks!" "oh, Ash, it can't be that bad!" we naively responded.
We find the studio and walk up the stairs...and are nearly knocked over backwards by the incredible odor. There is no other way to describe it, other than that it smells like what dirty jockstraps and nasty socks would smell like if they were in a tight space together. I exaggerate not. It was exactly that bad. Our eyes meet in semi-desperation. "Okay. We can do this. We can do this. It can't be that bad in the studio."
Wrong. It was worse. We tried breathing through our mouths. Nope. The odor was so strong you could almost taste it. Now, I've smelled some funky stuff in my day, but nothing, nothing like this. And we'd be here for the next hour and a half---straight. Yikes.
As we were waiting for class to begin, we decided to entertain ourselves and stave off asphyxiation by smell of nasty socks so thick they were almost coalescing out of thin air. We briefly thought of recommending car air fresheners to hang around the room. Then genius struck us. I said to Kathleen, "What if, instead of making car air fresheners, we made car air deadeners? Like, air freshener shaped things that just smell horrific!" And we were off and running. I think we were supposed to be all Zen-like or something; I mean, there were skinny people around us standing on their heads and whatnot, but we were laughing so hard we were crying. Or maybe it was the sweat induced from the 130 degree room we were in. Whatever the case, we came up with a few scents that would be killer, perhaps literally:
1. Bikram Yoga
2. C. difficile
3. Rotten eggs
4. The 1 stop at 168th
5. The elevator to the 1 stop at 168th
6. Poop
7. Sour milk
8. Garbage cans in NYC in the summer
9.Dirty jockstraps
10. Men's locker rooms
11. Vomit
12. Bile
13. Toilets that haven't been flushed in a week

Here is a possible scenario in which using these car air deadeners would be ideal:

Mother says to daughter, "Honey, Mrs. Smith said that her son Buddy wants to go out on a date with you. I know that you don't like him very much, but Mrs. Smith is a close friend, so I want you to go."
Daughter: "Are you kidding me? Fine!"
Daughter goes off to room, upset. Then she realizes that she has a stash of well-wrapped (to keep the stench in) air deadeners in her closet for just such an occasion.
Flash forward to weekend. Because Buddy doesn't have a car, Daughter goes to pick him up. Before leaving, she hangs deadener #4 from rearview mirror, gags, and goes to pick up Buddy.
Buddy opens the door, and before getting in says: "Hi Daughter! Oh, I've wanted to date you forever. I'm so glad that you are going out with me!" As he slides into the car, the overwhelming odor hits him and he's gone.
"YEs!" says Daughter.

Just a hypothetical sitch. Anyway, yoga turned out to be great; I have never felt so awful during something and so great afterwards. I'm definitely going back; just need to jam wads of cotton up my nose first.